You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone came in the potted fern
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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