Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My penis needs a shock collar
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
