Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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