it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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