I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He has the fingertips of a God
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