Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
