apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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