his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
