do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
