when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize