I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
