did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
