You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
