sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I intend to get homeless drunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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