yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
