There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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