Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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