How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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