I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.