I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”