I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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