i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
