how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
