woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
