just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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