Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?