i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.