I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra