Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As shirtless as possible
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.