I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life