I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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