Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
