I am in a vortex of obligation.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
