I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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