my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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