I just made out with a guy for $7.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
