you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
