Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
