like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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