I didn't shave. On purpose
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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