i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
