I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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