It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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