I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize