is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
