This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
