He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
