Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
