I wish I could punch you in the face.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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