That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I pour the whiskey from now on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
