Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize