A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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