I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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