Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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