Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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